Overcome Shyness by Following These 3 Steps

Did you know that shyness is something you can overcome permanently? No one is born shy - in fact, shyness is more like a behavior that has become so habitual that it seems like a natural personality trait that can't be changed.

When you were born, do you think you had a special "shy gene?" Fortunately, this doesn't exist. There are many reasons why people develop shyness as children and adults, but a common factor is the lack of positive support, encouragement, and acceptance by peers and authority figures. When someone experiences a certain level of negative feedback from others, they form low self esteem and lack the confidence it takes to be comfortable in their own skin.

Shyness is most certainly a sign of outer-focused thinking and anxiety responses. A shy person is likely to be concerned about others' thoughts, and worrying about this causes physiological symptoms reflective of the anxiety. If a shy person avoids certain situations because of their anxiety, it only gets worse in the future. The brain is an adaptive system and will treat similar situations as dangerous in the future, resulting in stronger anxiety responses and avoidant behavior.

Now that you know what your shyness is and where it may come from, you are ready to take action. The next two steps give you control and empower you to overcome shyness.

The best way to control your anxiety in any given moment is to take deep breaths. Symptoms of anxiety, including heart palpitations, shaking, dry throat, and perspiration, reflect an insufficient amount of oxygen in the body. You can reduce these symptoms significantly by learning how to breathe deeply.

When you are feeling shy or anxious, try your best to stop thinking about whatever is making you feel that way and start focusing on your breath. Listen and feel your breath cycling in and out. Follow these guidelines to breathe correctly:

• Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.
• Let your stomach expand as you inhale instead of letting your chest rise and fall.
• Count "1-2-3" on the inhale, and "1-2-3" on the exhale.
• Breathe this way until you take at least 10 breaths.

The stronger the anxiety symptoms and thoughts, the longer it will take to completely relax. If you can focus on your breath and follow the process slowly, your body will naturally relax on its own.

Knowing how to reduce your anxiety on your own is an important step in overcoming shyness; however, there is more to the process if you want to eliminate the shy and anxious feelings altogether.

The only way to overcome shyness is to face the things that make you feel shy. Your brain needs to learn on a chemical level that there is no or limited danger in the social arena. Shyness has become such a habitual response that it may keep you from doing things you'd like to do or used to do. There's no better time to start doing those things and living your life as you'd wish to.

It may be easier said than done, but the reality is you can accomplish whatever you challenge yourself to face. If you are afraid of going out to lunch with a friend or giving a presentation at work, you will only get over that fear by experiencing it and showing your brain that you will survive through it.

Facing your fears purposefully triggers the anxiety response and gives your brain the opportunity to relax in the moment of the fearful situation. It can then be wired to expect a more relaxed situation in the future should it present itself again. This physiological response was a gift to our ancestors during times of predators and natural disasters that were serious threats to their survival. It can still be beneficial today as we encounter dangers occasionally, but our anxiety responses don't need to kick in while we are speaking in public or going on a date. The more you challenge yourself, the more confident you will be and more boldly you will live.

When you understand shyness, learn how to control your anxiety, and begin to face your fears, you are in the process of overcoming shyness once and for all. It can be a tremendous journey with ups and downs, but it's one that is worth taking.

Keep in mind that your success is up to you, and there's no better time than now to go for it. If you want to overcome shyness and think that these steps aren't enough, perhaps you could benefit from building your self esteem and confidence in other ways before you try to face your social fears.

Consider books or other articles on gaining confidence and self esteem, or talk to a trusted friend or someone you look up to for advice. Sometimes the people around us can be more helpful and accepting than we think. Be open to others, and believe in yourself.